Chopped up Willy!
Well it has finally happened, I have had my very, very, very, long awaited Circumcision and so far as it goes, I appear to be all right.
Those of you who will know the story will recall the saga began over two years ago when I applied to the local GP for a check up before I went on my holiday to Malta (2 years ago). Unfortunately I saw the crazy daughter of the practice manager who just gave me some weak tablets to take and I ended up back at the Walk In Centre and I finally got treated correctly and told I needed a circucision as soon as I could.
So on my return from Malta, I contacted the quacks and arranged for the operation (or so I thought). Within the week there was all the news about the Covid lockdown and I patiently waited for an appointment to come through, all in vain. I had another read through the damn form they had sent me and I noticed I could call Birmingham direct so this I had a go at.
Now those of you who know me will be aware, my speech often loses contact with reality and I wander off into a different conversation whilst I am to my knowledge on the same item as the rest of us. Anyway, I got through and gave the woman the two details she wanted and then she starts going on about how I needed a third (hospital Number) bit of information before we could continue. I managed to keep her hanging on the phone while I found the number on the appointment card I had and eventually I got booked in at Birmingham for the operation at New Cross. This should just merely be a matter of waiting and then going in for the chop.
Well it’s getting quite a long time and eventually some dick head at New Cross decides he’s not going to see me, so I naturally decide to phone the help line number at New Cross and start the ball rolling again. There may be many of you who have heard how I had been booked into New Cross many years previously, when I was still working, for the same operation. Now of course I needed the damn thing and they had the cheek to tell me I did not need it so I would have to wait forever.
So this I got sorted out and got a new appointment come through with anew doctor. Progress is wonderful. The main Covid-19 plague was going wild in the lands and we were all told not to got outside without the proper collective clothing. So this I got sorted out and got a new appointment come through with a new doctor. Progress is wonderful.
The main Covid-19 plague was going wild in the lands and we were all told not to got outside without the proper collective clothing.
Nearly twelve months after seeing the new quack, I had my first appointment come through for the check up Covid-19 and we went in for the test and behold, I had covid!! So I went into isolation, sleeping alone and waiting for the next news to be sorted out.
I only had the bug for about a week has we had already had three Coid-19 jabs and I got the all clear from the doctor on the phone. Once again I phoned up New Cross and got told it was all in the hands of Covid-19 now and I just had to wait. Meanwhile, the local quack had also decided not to speak to me again because of the plague, so I was on my own.
After nearly six weeks I had a new appointment come through for the “chop” and this was to be on the Monday in some weird operating room at the back of the hospital.
Oh, I nearly forgot, they had told me, over the phone, that I could have my operation in a week at some weird place over Cannock way. I told them to stick that where the sun don’t shine and get me into New Cross. Three or four days later I finally got through to New Cross and had some appointment for 257/5/22 for the operation after testing for covid-19 a week before. However, because they were getting a bit upset by now, I had another call telling me this had been cancelled and they had a new appointment for me on Tuesday 24 May, that is if I were plague free on 21/5/22. So I waited quietly apprehensive – after all I was going to have my “Willy” chopped, and we got to the hospital (now in the original operating rooms) at 0700hrs as instructed.
About 1300hrs I decided to ask one of the nurses if I had to wait ther “forever” and I was told “Yes, I’m afraid that’s the case.” Nevertheless, I was only one of four people stuck there and I’m pretty sure I was the least of their worries. So after many hours of waiting, I got the “get them off” notice from the nurse ready for my “op”. Well it was only about 1450hrs by now so I wasn’t really expecting anything to happen and I ended up watching some ITV flog yer rubbish programme until I got dragged off to the operation.
The one thing I forgot was that I had been given a nice set of clingy stockings to wear while they cut everything up. So off we went down to the operating room and there were only four or five trainee nurses and some senior doctor whose main job seemed to be chatting to me while I was carved up. I got the green blanket suspension screen and I only knew he was chopping way as I felt him ripping flesh of my foreskin. I hadn’t bothered to tell him I usually take about 30 minutes for them to take effect on a normal day but, I was hopping to get off soon.
By the way, I should usually have my Blood Pressure under control off the perishing Ramipril tablets, which I ran out of two days ago, and this was causing a bit of concern for everyone as my blood pressure reached about 195/90. I did tell them that was quite good as last time it was closer to 250/95. This didn’t really put things to rest and I was told to get back on them as soon as I could.
No more than 20 minutes later and I was wheeled back to my favourite bed “13” in the waiting room. Of course my foreskin was gone now but, at least I had not got the perishing hard on that had been predicted. I was again offered tea and cold water to get me piddling as I could and after about another hour I was set free to ring Annette and get a lift home. As it was about 1650hrs I was not expecting a rush home, but it was all over and I now think I may be safe at last.